Run
by Mediwitch1
Summary: New Moon from EPOV; Edward makes the heart wrenching decision to leave Bella. "The agony that ripped through me was worse than anything I had ever felt. A thousand times worse than the thirst, the burning ache..."


**A.N: This story takes place just after the party in New Moon where Jasper loses control and tries to kill Bella. I don't usually write Twilight fanfiction - I'm a Harry Potter girl :P - but I found this in my documents, think I must've written it a few years ago in my Twilight phase. I liked seeing things from Edward's perspective in Midnight Sun so I'd gave it a go for New Moon :)**

** Anyway, I thought I'd publish it. Hope you like!**

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><p>I was running.<p>

Running had become my escape mechanism since meeting Bella; it was my way of blocking my conscience, the thoughts and the decisions I couldn't face. In one corner of my mind the image of Bella, pale and terrified as Jasper sprang towards her, began to taunt me once more - but I would not let it for long. All I could think of for now was the feeling of the wind in my hair and the speed of my flight, the rhythmic fall of my feet.

I caught the almost-appetising scent of a herd of deer to the north. Should I hunt? Prolong the moment when I would have to face up to what had happened tonight? Prolong the moment when I would have to see Bella, see her confused expression…the expression that had haunted me last year when I had tried to keep away from her. I pictured it now; her chocolate brown eyes would be full of questions, her mind as silent as ever.

As I thought of her I felt that familiar pull, the desperate longing to see her and to be with her. I never felt quite sane, quite content, unless I was holding her, knowing she was safe. I could not hunt. I needed to see her, now.

I changed my direction, heading back to Forks.

No.

I could not see her. Surely she must be upset, _terrified_ in fact. Forgiving the fact that my brother had tried to kill her, in trying to save her I had done her perhaps even more damage! How she must hate me…

I cringed away internally from that thought. I did not think I could survive her hating me; what would be the point in my existence?

Alice. I needed Alice.

Surely Alice would be able to tell me the way, since she already knew it? I let out a short, humourless laugh as I plummeted back home.

When I arrived at the house, most of my family was sitting and waiting for me in uncomfortable silence, their thoughts somewhat chaotic. Rosalie was entirely unconcerned. She was attempting to hide her smugness; she saw what had happened as proof that Bella did not belong in our world. I tried my best not to imagine throwing her through the back window. Alice was nowhere to be seen. I avoided Carlisle's intense gaze.

_Edward, I'm sorry. _Jasper was thinking furiously. I took in a deep breath; I could not blame him for what happened. Jasper had always had trouble with control, and Bella's blood had always been _particularly_ potent.

"I understand," I told him.

_Where is Bella? Is she alright? _Esme asked me, her eyes troubled.

"At home where she belongs," I answered shortly. "She'll be fine."

A pause.

"Where's Alice?" I asked them.

_Upstairs, Edward. _Alice thought suddenly. My head snapped up in surprise. I guessed I hadn't heard her 'voice' before then because she had been drifting in and out of the future. The thought made my stomach turn. Still refusing to meet my father's eye, I ran up to her room, knocking lightly on her door.

_Come in. _

Alice rarely bothered speaking aloud. Unlike the rest of my family she did not find my 'gift' at all off-putting, a product of hers being somewhat similar, I supposed. I let myself in silently and took a seat beside her on the bed. Her eyes were glazed over.

"What can you see?" I asked. I looked into her mind but I could only make out vague images, constantly in motion. So the future was still in flux. This unsettled me.

_Nothing is decided, but the two outcomes have disappeared again. The future is no longer set in stone; I can't see Bella as one of us._

Out of nowhere, underneath my despair I felt…_hope_. So there was a chance, then, that Bella would be able to lead a normal life? A life without me, without vampires, just a normal human life. Isn't that what she deserved?

"No," Alice whispered, her expression suddenly pained. "Edward, no…"

Her visions were shifting, taking on a more concrete form. Bella was standing alone, in the woods by her house. Her expression was contorted in agony, her body shaking. She cried out "Edward!" weakly, before collapsing to the floor. Alone.

What was wrong with her? Why was I not running to her side at her call? Why was I leaving her there in pain?

The vision changed. Bella was alone in her room, tears streaming down her face as she rocked herself back and forth, her arms crossed over her chest in an attempt to hold herself together. Once again I was nowhere to be seen. Why was I not immediately at her side; just this vision had me desperate to run to Forks to see that she was alright!

And then it dawned on me. I was going to leave Bella.

The agony that ripped through me was worse than anything I had ever felt. A thousand times worse than the thirst, the burning ache – so much worse than when James was hunting her – so much worse than hearing her body _break _beneath him…

"I can't do it," I burst out, my voice shaking. I tried to no avail to empty my mind of the horrifying image Alice had just shown me.

"You already have," she whispered_. Think about it. Are you really going to stay? _

I paused for moment, hearing my family's murmuring below in the second's silence. "No. I can't stay…I want her to have a chance at a normal life-"

"Edward, she's never going to have that," Alice interrupted me. "She knows us, and if you leave her now…" she cringed, "I don't want to imagine what that's going to do to her."

I took in a deep breath, steadying myself, finding my resolve. Finally I whispered, "I have to."

Alice closed her eyes in resignation. _Do I get to say goodbye?_

I shook my head slowly. "She'd know…she'd beg you to stay…" I flinched.

Alice's breathing hitched. I knew that if she were human she would have been crying. _Edward, this is going to kill her. _

I let the pain wash over my again. I was burning; drowning…I could not possibly resurface. "I know," I said through my teeth.

And I already knew what I was going to have to do…and I despised myself for it. I would have to lie to her. I would have to hurt her.

And then I would have to leave her.

A/N: Reviews please :) I can't decide whether or not to continue? Writing Edward is so fun


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